Message to a friend.

     My friend, one of my deepest connections, truly a shaper of my existence on this earth. I write to you with great grief in my heart. We've reached a crossroads of impasse, the future is dim and the light that fueled what we had is no longer burning. With a heavy heart, I write this to the world in hope of gaining some insight into the feelings I have, and the decisions I now must make. 

    With years of experience and timeless moments I'll never forget I feel nothing has shaped me more than the times we spent together. The beginning of our time together started in naive boyhood with many trials and tribulations. While we grew and moved through those places I truly felt the growth in myself and the relationship we had built. Endless hours of conversation, relating our different perceptions of the growing world around us. The relationship between our mutual experiences and the similarities, as well as the differences, between our perceptions, drove me to understand the world in many ways and truly understand others in ways I never knew. Even though many times we disagreed and feuded I always felt it taught me a lesson. We were young, dumb, and felt like we knew everything there was to know. But the reality was we had a ways to go.

Through a fruitful and relatively difficult youth, navigating the hardships and enjoying the nonsense we have been by each other's sides. When we entered our early adulthood we forged a new path into the world, once again bright-eyed and curious. During this time I felt our relationship oscillated in many ways both up and down, as well as closer and further. Living together, and learning the realities of the world that you come to experience on your own, proved beneficial and tumultuous all at the same time. We spent countless more hours learning through our mutual and separate experiences becoming the people we strived to be. Although through our relationship over these many years, I had not always felt heard, or supported in the ways I felt I supported you in the times of hardship I still felt close and connected. The bad had always in my mind been consumed by the good. 

    As this life continues to shape us and present opportunities this feeling has slowly drained from me. I have seen too many situations of similarity and action that have led to the same repercussions. These patterns of struggle and the weight they impose on my life have led to me feeling worse and without hope. The energy put into the relationship tips further to one side every time the patterns repeat. The support dissipates from your side when my feelings continue to be met with disregard. There is nothing louder than one's action. The same words meant to pacify and mask the understanding of your own actions are overcast by the continuation of the same actions. The words that once covered the lack of true empathy for my own emotions have lost their meaning. When the same action repeats and you recognize the consequence time and time again you can no longer create the illusion of truly caring for others. The moment that every mistake in your life is someone else's fault, or the fault of the situation, or any other number of blatant excuses that deny your ability to truly take responsibility you no longer can ask for support.

    Your actions have now confirmed my suspicions on whether or not my feelings truly mean anything to you. They have also confirmed that you continue to lack the ability to see beyond yourself. You cannot resist the urge of your own selfish desires. With the lack of respect received in our relationship over the lifetimes I have spent in your company, I can now be at peace with my decisions. I see the fruits of my labor that have come to me through the hard work spent trying to truly improve how I move through the world. I have found countless opportunities to make the decision that really reflected how I felt in my heart. To find my patience and understanding for others has been no easy feat. I write this because I truly felt many of these lessons I have learned navigating the long relationship we have had. While I do not regret a moment of time spent with you it is with that heavy heart I say thank you, and goodbye.

    To you I wish nothing. I hold no resentment. I hold no well wishes. I simply wish to never have to bear the burden you decide to carry on your shoulders, and the jealous spiteful heart you are destined to carry until the moment you find who you are.