New Places, New Spaces, New Ideas

     This will just be a writing piece as I have not been taking many photos lately. The trip has taken an interesting turn and I feel it is mainly due to the perspectives of the world around me. As we pass the month and a half mark I feel there has been sufficient time to really experience Asia and the different perspectives it has provided. As I started this trip with hopes of connecting to different people and experiencing different cultures there have been many hurdles along the way. First and foremost the language barrier creates a separation that feels tangible. The idea that you can come here and not be just another tourist is immediately taken out the moment you cannot utter a single word of Vietnamese, Thai, or any other regional dialect. The common approach to tourism is to exploit low-cost alcohol and if you are a lonely white man in your forties to your seventies pay someone to "cure" your loneliness. Needless to say, the connection that drives my life is nowhere to be found. While this idea for the trip has been a large failure that's not to say it's all for nothing. You don't know until you go.

    From large cities to scenic countryside there is one guarantee along the way, people. There is an incomprehensible amount people on this continent. When you walk through the city of Saigon and find yourself in an alley you can stretch your arms from side to side and cover the width of you still pass by hundreds of people. You see a family, four generations of people, gathered in a space smaller than a college dorm. Not even two paces later another family of six, sitting in a smaller space and quickly realize if you look up left and right there is more of the same. The reality of the scenes before you is so different and foreign that you don't have time to understand the meaning it may bring to your own life. The same feelings ensue when riding a motorcycle from town to town as we head north through Vietnam. But in time I have realized many things that reshape my own perspective of existing. The views of those scenes around me both create an idea of nihilism and spirituality that continues to shape the questions I pose to myself when I dissect the feelings that are invoked. The changing landscapes and spaces blend together in a complex reaction of joy, sadness, confusion, and understanding. 

    Why? A question I often ask myself of my own existence and place in the world. Again, why? The truths of our existence as humans are complex with no right answer. You ask the rice farmer why they have four children on the back of their scooter. The most likely response would be to farm rice. But why do we feel this deep urge to keep moving, to keep procreating, to keep living? While the simple answer is ego-driven human instinct through evolution I have a hard time answering that question in that way. As we drift through the motions of life we must be moving towards something. When I look inward the answer to me time and time again is connection. But this answer feels incomplete. I feel there must be something more to continue through, what seems at most times, a pointless struggle for existence. We fight tooth and nail to put a roof over our heads, put food in our mouths, and dream of having a family to do it for. But again why? Seeing the massive amounts of people operating their daily lives on autopilot discourages and drives me all at the same time. How can things be constantly opposing yet exist simultaneously? 

    I miss my friends, my family, and the place I call home, and simultaneously have no attraction to go back. The fear of the place that seemed so far and foreign is stripped away completely. The redundancy of routine and life back home has also faded to a distant memory. I look forward to the next step of my life while maintaining the understanding that the space will be just as unwanted as the ones from the past and present. How can one find a place where these spaces make sense as they happen. Is it purpose? Is it understanding? Is it a silent observation? Even if I never find or understand the answer to these questions or feelings I still know that I will continue to move on. The one thing that is guaranteed is constant and endless change. Life is a journey of self-discovery and preservation while battling the push and pull of finding difference and familiarity in the things around us. 

    I remind myself that the feelings pass, change, and continue no matter what action I take. The difference I can make is the way in which I decide to react to them. For now, I continue on this journey in this place with simply one goal, to stay open to what presents itself. 

    If you read this far Thank you. This is really just the endless ramble of my mind and if you know me well then I'm sure these words come as no surprise. I thank you because even from here I feel the endless support in my life. Looking into the endless void of people around me I find security in myself through you. I am so happy to know you and continue through our time in space together at whatever capacity our lives cross. 

Sincerely,

-Eli

Comments

  1. Keep staying open, love you. Love this exploration for you. - mel

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think we all want to be right here with you! and yet the loneliness and sheen foreignness of everything is so palatable, my heart is beating with nerves. I think you always dreamed of this adventure, and I’m so happy to hear how much it is allowing you to understand and confuse your self some more ;). Miss you lots 🅱️

    ReplyDelete
  3. your words are beautiful, i love how you paint a picture of what it feels like. thank you for sharing them. keep asking the why’s in life, keep diving deep. much love eli
    - maya

    ReplyDelete
  4. G Shit! Keep em coming.

    -kyle

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi E,
    These are profoundly existential observations and feelings. I so appreciate your sharing them. The piece which I don’t see here, and which may be a big piece in the puzzle of WHY is a sense of purposefulness for something meaningful to give of yourself to the larger world around us. I think working towards such a goal drives us in positive ways to experience the world differently. That piece might not come while traveling in foreign lands because of the communication problems,, although the experience has obviously been very meaningful, if not always in good ways. The connectivity you seek is not always of a 1:1 personal nature, although that’s hugely important. It’s often in the choices we make to use our talents and intellect to contribute to something larger than our own needs that truly shape our lives. Those choices can be contemplated and shaped now and enacted when you begin the next part of your personal journey in Sydney. I hope this thought is helpful in constructing a more positive feeling about What Next….I love you and admire your curiosity and courage. BE SAFE ON THAT BIKE!! La

    ReplyDelete
  6. Empathy theory and knowledge can be learned in lecture halls or books. But to really know, we have to be in it, get a little taste. And there you are.
    On the span of human existence that family of five on a scooter is more typical than the solo driver in their Tesla. Our modern western worries of social media likes, poor cell phone connection, delayed trans global flights, returns on our 12 month CD’s or shoes that are the wrong color of brown., are all concerns we have evolved into fairly recently. That family in their timely apartment or shanty have concerns on a more basic level, familiar to thousands generations before us.
    Our lens of privilege sees suffering. But like the oxen in their yokes… that’s what they know.
    Their joys of creating a family and being near one another are wired deep. The drive to procreate has evolved for millennia… not just for humans. For all life. Poorly understood and basic at the same time.
    Stay the course of discovery. And bravely putting your thoughts into the world.
    Purpose and Connection.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Your writing is inspiring, and I hear your voice as I read this. Miss you. Thank you for sharing. - Avery

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts